really walking out my faith

So I just got back from a walk. A walk on a hot, muggy Ga evening, that I do really love cuz it's the smell of home. And after a bit of jogging I noticed a HUGE dog behind a little fence and I could feel myself tense up. Being mid conversation with GOD, I reminded myself that He does keep me safe. That even if the big dog came after me, I would be fine because my Father told me He would keep me safe.

I used to be afraid of the ocean. Terrified. I had been caught up in a wavepool when I was younger and didn't have a vest or a raft and couldn't reach the top of the water. I had simply started to swim under the water. Much like I often am now, lost in my mind and unaware of my surrounds. And the machine that makes the waves came on. Before I knew it I was in 25 feet of water and there were people in rafts all around me. But I still wasn't scared, at that point, because much like walking today, I knew GOD had me. But then I heard my name being called and I immediately knew the voice, cuz it was my Daddy here on earth. Except in his voice was a tone I hasn't heard much and it was sheer panic. And once I saw the fear in his eyes (not something I have seen more that 3 or 4 times in my 32 years of life) did I realize I was in danger. And I could hear my dad yelling at the life guard who threw this red floating thing towards me, which did no good cuz every time I tried to grab it, I got pelted by water, and thrown under, putting me in even more of a panic. Finally I heard my daddy, who had wasted enough time, give the ultimatum to the lifeguard that if he didn't get me, my dad would. And of course knowing that it is sheer foolishness trying to debate with a daddy when it comes to his little girl, the lifeguard dove in a pulled me to safety.

I heard that later that summer a little girl had drowned in the same wavepool and the safety regulations were ammended. Which put a fear in my heart of water that lasted many, many years.

But when I was just lost in my own world with GOD, probablly telling Him some story like I usually am, I had no idea I was in danger. And I totally know that had I not seen my fathers fear in his eyes, I would have happily made my way back to the shore. Of course I don't fault my dad at all for being afraid. I can't even begin to imagine what his heart was going through. But my life is still like that. More often than not, I find myself in a crowd or at work, or even sometimes with friends, and I get lost telling my Daddy a story, that He undoubtly knows the end to but loves to hear my take on it. And as long as I am lost in Him, I am totally unaware of any dfanger, and it's ok cuz He has me.

Like the walk today. I was talking to Him, or as david put it, encouraging myself in the Lord, and I was unaware of the big dog and the little fence. But when I stopped talking to my heavenly Daddy, and turned toward the dog, fear tried to grip me. I even took out one of my headphones so I could hear if the dog was gonna attack. . . how foolish cuz I had no keys, no pepper spray, not even a stick. But then I was reminded that He told me He has me. He had me the day the people broke into my house and I was about to enter. He had me the time I had no doors on Magee and a woman in a minivan came right toward my exposed. (She was unaware of anything else, maybe she too was lost in conversation to Him. )He had me when I was curled up on my cold purgo floor in Romania with no heat and about -110 degrees outside, crying because I had no idea why He had sent me there and not knowing a lonely like that existed. He had me when I was getting ready in my mother's bathroom when I was compelled to walk out only to have the mirror fall off the wall anf smash and slice tthrough the floorboards right where I had been standing. He had me when I was in Bible school and my heart got broken and I was stuck on a tiny little island and although GOD could have warned me He didn't- but He had me through my rash decisions.

He had me when I got to come home from 4 years of a constant barrage of attacks on my faith and self confidence. He had me when He brought me to watch the most precious little boy while He was healing me to a place when He could use me again. He had me when He brought me a job at the place I call home. And he had me when I saw the big dog with the little fence.

And my whole life I have known that He has me. I mean I have really known, but it was in these instances that I had a chance to walk out my faith. Like the dormant muscle in my calf, my faith has been there since the day I gave my life to JESUS. But like that muscle, until I walk out that faith and put myself in a place of vulnerability, or rather, allow my Daddy to put me in a place of vulnerability where I have no idea what He is doing, but have to just trust that He has me, my faith will never grow.