really walking out my faith

So I just got back from a walk. A walk on a hot, muggy Ga evening, that I do really love cuz it's the smell of home. And after a bit of jogging I noticed a HUGE dog behind a little fence and I could feel myself tense up. Being mid conversation with GOD, I reminded myself that He does keep me safe. That even if the big dog came after me, I would be fine because my Father told me He would keep me safe.

I used to be afraid of the ocean. Terrified. I had been caught up in a wavepool when I was younger and didn't have a vest or a raft and couldn't reach the top of the water. I had simply started to swim under the water. Much like I often am now, lost in my mind and unaware of my surrounds. And the machine that makes the waves came on. Before I knew it I was in 25 feet of water and there were people in rafts all around me. But I still wasn't scared, at that point, because much like walking today, I knew GOD had me. But then I heard my name being called and I immediately knew the voice, cuz it was my Daddy here on earth. Except in his voice was a tone I hasn't heard much and it was sheer panic. And once I saw the fear in his eyes (not something I have seen more that 3 or 4 times in my 32 years of life) did I realize I was in danger. And I could hear my dad yelling at the life guard who threw this red floating thing towards me, which did no good cuz every time I tried to grab it, I got pelted by water, and thrown under, putting me in even more of a panic. Finally I heard my daddy, who had wasted enough time, give the ultimatum to the lifeguard that if he didn't get me, my dad would. And of course knowing that it is sheer foolishness trying to debate with a daddy when it comes to his little girl, the lifeguard dove in a pulled me to safety.

I heard that later that summer a little girl had drowned in the same wavepool and the safety regulations were ammended. Which put a fear in my heart of water that lasted many, many years.

But when I was just lost in my own world with GOD, probablly telling Him some story like I usually am, I had no idea I was in danger. And I totally know that had I not seen my fathers fear in his eyes, I would have happily made my way back to the shore. Of course I don't fault my dad at all for being afraid. I can't even begin to imagine what his heart was going through. But my life is still like that. More often than not, I find myself in a crowd or at work, or even sometimes with friends, and I get lost telling my Daddy a story, that He undoubtly knows the end to but loves to hear my take on it. And as long as I am lost in Him, I am totally unaware of any dfanger, and it's ok cuz He has me.

Like the walk today. I was talking to Him, or as david put it, encouraging myself in the Lord, and I was unaware of the big dog and the little fence. But when I stopped talking to my heavenly Daddy, and turned toward the dog, fear tried to grip me. I even took out one of my headphones so I could hear if the dog was gonna attack. . . how foolish cuz I had no keys, no pepper spray, not even a stick. But then I was reminded that He told me He has me. He had me the day the people broke into my house and I was about to enter. He had me the time I had no doors on Magee and a woman in a minivan came right toward my exposed. (She was unaware of anything else, maybe she too was lost in conversation to Him. )He had me when I was curled up on my cold purgo floor in Romania with no heat and about -110 degrees outside, crying because I had no idea why He had sent me there and not knowing a lonely like that existed. He had me when I was getting ready in my mother's bathroom when I was compelled to walk out only to have the mirror fall off the wall anf smash and slice tthrough the floorboards right where I had been standing. He had me when I was in Bible school and my heart got broken and I was stuck on a tiny little island and although GOD could have warned me He didn't- but He had me through my rash decisions.

He had me when I got to come home from 4 years of a constant barrage of attacks on my faith and self confidence. He had me when He brought me to watch the most precious little boy while He was healing me to a place when He could use me again. He had me when He brought me a job at the place I call home. And he had me when I saw the big dog with the little fence.

And my whole life I have known that He has me. I mean I have really known, but it was in these instances that I had a chance to walk out my faith. Like the dormant muscle in my calf, my faith has been there since the day I gave my life to JESUS. But like that muscle, until I walk out that faith and put myself in a place of vulnerability, or rather, allow my Daddy to put me in a place of vulnerability where I have no idea what He is doing, but have to just trust that He has me, my faith will never grow.

Let my internal dialogue give Him praise

A few weeks ago I felt GOD leading me to a new prayer. . .

Let my internal dialogue give You praise.

If you have ever studied the number of words that we speak to ourselves each day, it is mind boggling. And one of the things that GOD has really brought to my attention the past few years, is how negative my internal dialogue is. I think most of us, when we really start to get to know JESUS better, must take a hard look at what we are telling ourselves each day. And He has really brought me far. Now when I am driving and someone cuts me off, although my initial reaction often is to get mad, I catch myself and ask GOD to reveal Himself to that person more today than ever before. And my road rage is slowly becoming less of an issue.

This is just one area GOD showed me that my internal dialogue needed to line up with what The Word teaches. But then He took it up one step to. . .

Let my internal dialogue give You praise.

Which means that all my thoughts, whether spoken or not, will be for His glory. I'm so not there yet, but when I think of this, I am reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:17 that tells us to continually pray. When I was a kid, and didn't really understand much about what it means to live the life that JESUS intended for me, I would read this verse and get totally overwhelmed. But as I get to know Him better, I find myself just chit-chatting with Him more and more.

And the more my internal dialogue is aimed at Him and the more aware I become of Him always being near me, then. . .

My internal dialogue gives Him praise.

Is it well??

I got to spend part of the Christmas holiday with my grandparents. One of the conversations my grandmother and I always have is the difference between ministry now and ministry back when her and my grandpa were pastors. My grandma is amazing and she genuinely wants to understand those younger than her and how GOD is moving.

So each visit she and I will talk about music. We talk about different styles, cultural relevance of worship music today and the importance of not forgetting our heritage. All that to say, because of my grandmother, GOD has developed in me a love and respect for the old hymns.

And today when I heard the song It Is Well I was again taken by the words and challenge of this song.

It is well. . .

With my soul. . .

Is it? Is it really? What a profound and important question that we must continually ask ourselves. While once we know CHRIST and accept Him as our Savior, we have a wellness about our soul that cannot be described, that is not the end of it. We must continually work out our salvation like Paul talks about in Philippians.

I have found in my life a huge part of this, or way rather of working out my salvation is to ask the question "is it well with my soul?' Daily we have stuff that is thrown at us, whether it is from the enemy or simply just from living in a fallen world, we have to continually make sure that it is well with our soul.

I know for me insomnia is a big indicator whether or not I need to take my broken soul to the foot of the cross and allow GOD to mend the it once again. This happened a couple weeks ago. A situation came up, and I had determined in my heart to take care of it myself. I wasn’t going to trust GOD, I was gonna take the bull by the horn and handle. I even had some close friends agree that it was the right course of action. But deep in my heart, I knew for me, that to act instead of trust, was pure rebellion.

But I was still determined to do it. Then after a day or two, it became apparent that it wasn’t well with my soul. And I had to ask for forgiveness and for the broken places where my rebellion had caused a rift to be healed.

But the problem is too often we can get so caught up in the day to day, or we allow our hearts to be hardened, that we forget to ask if it’s well or not.

So today, I think what GOD wants to speak to you if you’re reading this, is to just simply ask yourself. . . Is it well? And if not then take the steps necessary to get it well with your soul. And if it is well, then take a moment and thank GOD for His grace and the ability to enter His throne room and sit at his feet.