Being Totally Wrecked. . .

This morning was very interesting. I was simply getting ready for work and listening to a teaching of a series I thought I had heard before. But as the teacher was closing the 6 part series, I found myself sitting on my couch with tears streaming down my face in a state of being just totally wrecked by GOD. I mean there I was in my living room completely overtaken by the presence of GOD and crying off the make-up I had just put on.

The story that was being shared this morning was one of a time when the teacher was completely wrecked by GOD. If you’ve never been wrecked by GOD, then I pray that today, even at this moment GOD will begin to wreck you. If you have ever been wrecked by Him, then you know what I mean. I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s kinda like in geometry class when you studied fractals. Learning the basics of them don’t seem very interesting, but then the teacher breaks out an M. C. Escher painting and you see the intricacies that can be easily explained through mathematical equations, but appear as nothing short of magical when they are staring you in your face.
Or it’s like trying to explain seeing Phantom Of The Opera for the first time. You can listen to the soundtrack or even see the movie, but nothing can prepare you for the first time you see the chandelier drop or the water appear under the boat. There are no words which can truly describe it. The same with falling in love, or having a broken heart.

There simply are no words.

This can also be said about being wrecked by GOD. When I say this I mean there are times when GOD totally consumes you with his presence and it is as if all the air is sucked out of the room and you are overwhelmed with the awesomeness of GOD. This has happened to me in many different places. It has happened to me in church services, on mission trips, and at conferences. And honestly this is what we expect, right?

But then there have been times when I am holding a screaming child that just doesn’t want to go to sleep. But I know that he is exhausted and sleep is the one thing he needs, and if he would just listen to me . . . I know what’s best for him if he would only just trust me. And in my frustration I find myself crying out to GOD hoping He will quiet the child with His reassurance. But instead I simply hear the Father saying, “Now you know how I feel.” And I am reminded of a coupe days ago when being obedient to Him meant doing something I didn’t want to. All He was simply doing is trying to get what’s best for me. . . just like I was with the infant in my arms. And I find myself wrecked because I am face to face with the love of a Savior who forgives and is so patient and faithful when I am fighting every step of the way.

Then there have been the times I am driving and I have seen a homeless man walking down the street, and I pray for him and the presence of GOD filled the cab of the truck so strongly I almost have to pull over. And I am wrecked because He is an amazing GOD.

Or one of the students I love so much who has been running full force away from GOD turns and asks for forgiveness, and I have the honor of being there as they turn and run into the arms of the Father. And I am wrecked at His patience.

The phophet Isaiah describes being wrecked like this. . . "Doom! It's Doomsday! I'm as good as dead! Every word I've ever spoken is tainted - blasphemous even! And the people I live with talk the same way, using words that corrupt and desecrate. And here I've looked God in the face! The King! God-of-the-Angel-Armies!" (Isaiah 6:5 MSG)

There are those times in our lives where we understand who GOD is and who we’re not.

And everything else fades away.

And you are simply wrecked and in a posture of complete humility because in His presence there is no other position.

Is trust a feeling or a choice?

When we think of words like trust, love, and forgiveness, I think for most of us, we associate these words with emotions, and while yes, I think that emotions play a part in the entire definition, there is so much more involved in loving, in forgiving and in trusting someone. I think that to fully embrace these things, we must choose to. A big part of that is getting past the emotions that try to tear us down.

Take trusting for example. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I started thinking about having to move in a couple months so I need to get a contract on a new place and all that stuff, which totally is not fun for me. I am not a fan of money and wish I lived in a barter system. But I don’t, and I can’t bury my head either, so I must confront it. Which after getting figures for some places, made me nauseous.

So I found myself anxious and not feeling like I trust GOD. Now I know that ultimately I do. I have banked my life on His Word and am going to follow Him where He leads me, which for now is Georgia. But I don’t always feel like I am trusting Him. In fact yesterday, I had to work through some serious feelings of doubt because I so love where I am now, that I can’t imagine having to live somewhere else. Then I start scamming and scheming in my head all these scenarios to make things work using my own strength and ability, instead of just giving it to Him and choosing to trust Him. The fear that comes from uncertainty so often tries to drown out the choice of trust that I made long ago. It is calling out to me, “Trust Him. Trust the one who loves you. Trust the one who made you. . . ”

I think Mary understood this all too well. Can you imagine how her heart must have felt? I mean of course she was honored and I am sure proud that GOD trusted her so much, but what about the pit that would have been in her stomach knowing she had to tell Joseph or her parents. Even though she wasn’t sure what to do with the news from the angel at first (Luke 1:29), she chooses to trust GOD. Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.

Wow, what a hard choice that must have been. To push past the feelings and the knowledge that she will be branded with a scarlet letter by her people when she is innocent. Not only is she innocent, she is chosen. GOD chose a plan for Mary that would give Him the most glory, but would take her down a path that was hard and intense. A road that most would never be able to stay on for a day, let alone a lifetime. That's what the picture up top is trying to represent. Notice at the bottom it is easy to see the road. It is easy to trust that you will be able to find your way. But the further down the road you go, the harder it is. The harder to see the road. The harder to breathe, and the lonelier it gets.

In order to live a life that is fully devoted to GOD and a life that chooses to trust GOD, we must push past the desire to base choices simply on feelings. And that includes trust. We must choose to trust and hold onto that choice when the feelings try and pull us away.

Call A Spade A Spade

So if you've ever had an extended conversation with me, you’ve heard this saying. Especially if you’ve ever come to me for advice or heard me teach. “Call a spade a spade” is one of my favorite phrases because it evokes such honesty. Don’t try to pretend something is different than what it really is. Just admit what the real situation is without making excuses. Call a spade a spade.

And this revelation, how important it is to try and see things how they are, removing the rose colored glasses, has probably helped me grow and mature more than anything else. When I was younger, I would make excuses, I would lie to get myself out of situations. I would do this with my family, with my teachers, and even with GOD.

This tendency goes back to the fall (Genesis 3). After Adam and Eve disobeyed GOD, they hid from Him. Reading this breaks my heart how GOD calls out for them. They would always go for a walk in the evening, and after they ate the fruit, they were ashamed so they hid. Of course GOD knew where they were. He had to sit and watch them as they chose to disobey Him and reject His love for them.

Then Adam makes excuse. He said that “the woman you gave me. . .” He didn’t call a spade. He didn’t own up and say I’m sorry GOD, I didn’t listen to you.

And I think this tendency is one of if not the most crippling things in a Christian’s life. Because when we mask, or excuse, or hide our sin, we simply delay the repentance process. But CHRIST came so that we could enjoy life to the fullest (John 10). And in order to this, we must walk in the freedom that comes only from forgiveness. But when we don’t admit that we’ve sinned and try to cover it with something other than the blood of CHRIST, we delay the repentance process.

So in our sin, there is a HUGE need for us to call a spade a spade.

doing away the mundane. . .

Last night at Crave we watched a teaching by Francis Chan. Afterwards we had a time of worship, prayer, and just hanging out with GOD. The song that GOD kept leading us to sing is based on Isaiah 6 In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. . . In a great chorus they sang, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty! The whole earth is filled with his glory!" The glorious singing shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke. Then I said, "My destruction is sealed, for I am a sinful man and a member of a sinful race. Yet I have seen the King, the LORD Almighty!. . . "

It is such a powerful picture and I know we have looked at in the past few weeks. It still amazes me and my heart cries out to live in that place where I am so aware of GOD’s majesty that I know I don’t deserve anything that I so often think I have a right to. When I stand in His presence, my puny offerings are never enough, but by the grace and the sacrifice given at the cross I can be in His presence. To live there. . . in His presence. What does that look like?

It brings me back to 1 Thessalonians 5:17 pray continually. When I was a kid, that just baffled me. It seemed so boring. I thought that had to go around kneeling then stopping and folding my hands, then going about my business, and stopping and kneeling. . . you get the picture. It just seemed more like punishment that an honor. I still don’t get it fully, but there are a few things I know.

Prayer is friendship with GOD. It is a 2 way conversation. We share with Him, and he shares with us. So often we get caught up in making sure we let Him know all the details, and like Francis Chan said in the teaching last night “ too often we look more like the prophets of Baal." The prophets of Baal would repeat the same thing over and over again, and even cut themselves (they would inflict pain on themselves to get the attention of their god). How often do we inflict guilt on ourselves or punish ourselves for not being good enough or in order to get Him to hear us.

Not to say we shouldn’t tell GOD what is heavy on our hearts or what we need, He is interested. I mean if He’s gonna take the time to know how many hairs are on my head, and looking at my hairbrush that number changes with every pass of it through my hair. GOD cares about what is going on in my heart and head and what troubles me.

But to be in a place where I am so fully aware that He knows what I’m gonna say before I say it (Psalm 139), to say, “You know Daddy. . . I just. . . And then. . .thank you!!” (Louie Gigglio did an amazing teaching on prayer a few years back called “Prayer Remix” or something like that. When I heard this teaching, GOD totally blew my mind away with how deep prayer and conversations with Him could be.) I mean if I truly am at the point where I realize that He knows my thoughts, then that knowledge takes away all anxieties. I know I don’t have to fret because He IS in control. I can talk to Him out of love, not solely because I am in need or want something. I don’t have to continually try and tweak my prayer to find the “right formula’.

I’m sure many of you have struggled with this. We pray and GOD doesn’t move like we expect, and we think that "if we just. . ." or "if we didn’t. . ." or "if I get louder, or prayer more often. . ."

Opposed to knowing that He is our Father, and resting in the fact He will lead us how to pray (Romans 8).

So in this journey to better understanding prayer, He has taught me that Prayer is a relationship and communication with Him. Prayer is also deeper than we could ever imagine. Think of Elijah in 1 Kings 18. This is when he goes head to head with the prophets of Baal. Then spend all day trying to get their god’s attention, but nothing. Then Elijah simply says "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. O LORD, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself." And fire came down.

That is beyond our understanding. So deep, so powerful. It’s not about me and my ability to say or do the right thing, but more it is about me humbling myself and submitting to His glory and power. James 5 says that we are not different that Elijah. He was a man just like us. If he could grasp this understanding of the power of prayer and prayed sincere prayers, then we can too. In fact, Elijah did all this before JESUS.

So all this to say. . .

What is prayer?

How do you pray?

What does it mean to pray continually?

Do you sometimes not go to prayer because you feel unworthy?

Why do we pray?

refined telent

I used to not be a big fan of gold. I always had a lot of friends who like it, but not I. And even now, I'm not a fan of shiny gold; I like the antique finished stuff. I know this is boring for guys, but all that to say growing up this idea didn't have much meaning to me because I didn't care about gold.
When I was younger and in church, I heard many teaching on gold. And how like gold ,GOD wants to refine us. And he does so through various methods, one being trials (1 Peter). But unfortunately it didn’t mean much to me when someone said that GOD is refining us like gold because gold held no value for me.

But the process is amazing, and it is another example of how GOD made the physical world to mirror the spiritual. Gold refining for dummies goes as follows. . . there is something that has gold in it but it isn't pure, so they heat up this rock or ore or whatever. And as they keep heating it the gold separates from the rest of the worthless material. The hotter the fire, the more pure and refined the gold.

Isn't that amazing because that is what GOD does for us. All of us can relate to that. We are going through something that is rough, I mean so rough we think we're gonna vomit from the pain and our heart is literally gonna implode. But after, when GOD has gotten us through it, our faith is stronger. And the only way we can truly learn to trust GOD is this process. Going through the hard times and allowing Him to get us through it.

It's like a muscle. The only way to grow a muscle is to stretch it beyond what it was made to do before. And the more weight and repetition added, the stronger the muscle.

So these two ideas go hand in hand. GOD uses the trials of our lives, whether it be a break-up, family problems, loneliness, school, car troubles, or just plain mean people. We have seen GOD use these things time and time again to refine our character and faith as gold.
Tuesday during a conversation with a very wise friend, she said something that stuck out to me and made me ponder. She said that people have unrefined talent and gifts. For example, I have a friend who is an amazing teacher and when I told him that, he said it’s just practice. The older he gets, the more he teaches and the more he learns different tips on teaching the better he gets. His gift and talent is refined.
This also made me think back to when I was younger in GOD. I still had the same gifts as I do now, but I was so immature in them that I didn’t know what to do with them. And since our greatest gifts are also our greatest challenges in our life, I would often, and still do sometimes, hurt people. For example, my bluntness in communicating truth. There have been so many times when I am talking to someone I love and they ask my opinion, but they don’t want to hear it. Instead they would rather me tell them what they want to hear, but because I love them, I’m gonna tell them the truth in love. (I know this isn’t a gift unique to me but very common). But it is a gift nonetheless. A gift that I pray I always use with wisdom because let’s face it; sometimes people aren’t ready for the truth.

But years ago I went around hurting people needlessly. In my immaturity and unrefined gift I didn’t know how to handle things with wisdom. I think of this girl I waited tables with at Waffle House. She wasn’t the hardest of workers. In fact she didn’t really work hard at all. So I and the other ladies had to pick up the slack. It didn’t take much for anyone to see this. But instead of going to GOD for this girl, I just went off on her. My big ole log in my eye wacked her in the face while I was trying to get her speck out. But over the years GOD has, and still is, teaching me to “Go to GOD for my neighbor before I go to my neighbor for GOD”.

He has been refining my gift.

I can say the same for the other gifts he’s given me: my voice, my love of and heart for children, my teaching, my artistic gift. He is refining it.

What gifts and talents do you have that He is trying to refine? This again is a hard question because if you are anything like me, you see a gift and are so anxious to use it because you don’t want it to be wasted, that you cause harm. Instead we must nurture our gifts and let our Father refine them.

fully dressed?

This morning GOD and I were having a conversation: it was more like the middle of the night. During this time, I believe He showed me a beautiful picture to strive for. He then confirmed it today in staff prayer.

I think we all understand the idea of the proud being humbled. Not only is it a concept that is described over and over in the Bible (Psalm 18:27, Job 22:29, Isaiah 13:11) it is something we see daily in our world. Sometimes it takes on the form of a corporate mogul who ends his reign in a humiliating crash, and a move star who once was on top but ends their life in an overdose on a sidewalk where people just pass him by.

In our own lives, being humbled can look like a teacher calling us out in class and us not knowing the answer cuz in our pride, or laziness or whatever, we didn't do the homework assignment the night before. I know for me it also often looks like complete failure after taking on more responsibilities than I can handle, but in my pride I thought I could.

And it can also just be the rude, arrogant person, getting what's theirs. Or at least that's how we like to define it. Whatever the cause of the humblement, we know that when it is forced upon us, it is never something we enjoy and generally brings about pain.

None of want to be humbled, yet humility is something that we are told to strive for. 2 Chronicles 7:14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land.

That is the beautiful picture GOD was showing to me today: The difference between being humbled and humbling yourself. When we are humbled it isn't pleasant and is a result of some unwise choice, but when we choose to humble ourselves before GOD. . . is there any wiser choice?

Looking back at some of the greats of our faith like David, Moses, Deborah, Esther and Paul; they knew how to humble themselves before the LORD. They had an understanding and a grasp of the awesomeness that is our GOD.

In scripture whenever someone comes face to face with the glory of GOD, they fall down from the full assuredness that they are unworthy to be in His presence. One of my favorite and most breathtaking examples of this is Isaiah 6 1 In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. 2 Hovering around him were mighty seraphim, each with six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with the remaining two they flew. 3 In a great chorus they sang, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty! The whole earth is filled with his glory!" 4 The glorious singing shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke. 5 Then I said, "My destruction is sealed, for I am a sinful man and a member of a sinful race. Yet I have seen the King, the LORD Almighty!" 6 Then one of the seraphim flew over to the altar, and he picked up a burning coal with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my lips with it and said, "See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven." (emphasis added)

Wow, the greatness of GOD is so beyond our comprehension!! In His presence Isaiah was fully away of his inferiority compared to GOD.

But isn't that what happens every time we encounter the presence of GOD??

So the picture GOD gave me is a life lived so fully aware of the presence and majesty of GOD, that humility is chosen daily, hourly, with every decision. And in such a life, there is no need to be humbled because such humility is worn as a garment (as Col 3:12 describes). This is not an easy task, but I believe it only can come from always being away of the majesty of GOD and guarding ourselves against ANYTHING that would try and take our eyes of His beauty and perfection.

Imagine the beauty your life would be if you were so in tune and aware of the presence and greatness of GOD that you choose every day to put on humility because you know that is the only position you can take in light of Him. I'm not there, not by a long shot. But I beleive that through CHRIST my life can look more and more like this everyday.

A safe place

Last night's message at Crave was amazing. Jeremy did an awesome job speaking about cities of refuge. There were a lot of things that stuck out to me and I really am thankful to be a part of a group where broken people can come.

I left with the overwhelming desire to make sure that everyone in my life sees me and my home as a city of refuge.

A couple years ago Andy Stanley did a series and one of the questions he left us to think about is "Am I a safe place?" Meaning can the people closest to me come to me and be open with their hearts knowing they can trust me? A very close friend goes to his church so she was hearing the same series and I loved how that theme was reflected in our friendship and conversations. We realized, esp since we are such totally different people, that for us to be a safe place it must be something we actively pursue.

And sadly, I think we are more aware of our unsafe places. We have all felt the sting of betrayal, have been on the harsh end of gossip, have been told the lie that we're just not enough or we're simply too much. Whatever the case may be, we have all felt the pain of learning that someone or a group of someones wasn't a safe place.

And it is so important for us to identify our safe places. Last week in Captivate we were looking at Hosea and how GOD so beautifully lays our criteria for the type of leadership we should follow. One of the things that jumped out at me is how whoever we follow must be worthy of our trust. Too often people seek advice from unworthy mouths. We look to people who tell us what we want to hear, or who will wallow in out self pity with us, or those who time after time react with a cruelness that in unbelievable, but we so desperately seek their approval, we keep coming back.

But as time goes by we learn the art and beauty of guarding our heart (Proverbs 4:23), not building a wall around it. But protecting and making sure that we are careful who we trust with it.

But can people trust their hearts to us. . .

Are you a safe place. . .

It is a hard question to ask because in doing so, we must look deep into our own hearts. We must allow GOD to show us the crap that we have buried under more crap. And we must allow Him to put His healing hand on the wounds that we have long ignored, hoping they would disappear. But in this process we let go of our anger, jealousy, pride, and every other maliciousness we hold on to.

Too often our hearts have been wounded in the past. Really wounded and the wounds are never tended to. Instead they fester. They become infected and fill with puss. They hurt so badly because they are swollen and bloated with infection that has gone without attention for years. We hope that it will heal itself. But just like a wound in our flesh, these hurts must be tended to. They must be cleaned out. Many times they must be lanced to have the infection drained.

Nasty I know. I hope it makes you a little nauseous, because that's how serious it is. We would never let our wounded leg go without medical attention, so we must learn not to let our hearts go without the healing and medicine it needs.

Then, we can be a safe place. We can see the ones we love who are utterly broken and not loose patience with them. We can identify the scars and unchecked infections in the hearts of the ones we love because we have had similar wounds. We have empathy for those around us and appreciate and understand the value of a safe place.

In thinking about this Luke 6:42 How can you think of saying, 'Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. becomes so much more precious to me. Not only do I have to tend to my own wound first, remove the log from my eye, I must also be extremely close to the one I am hoping to be used by GOD to heal. In order to see a speck we must be close. Very close. A safe place.

This is how through CHRIST we can encourage one another while at the same time holding each other accountable.