really walking out my faith

So I just got back from a walk. A walk on a hot, muggy Ga evening, that I do really love cuz it's the smell of home. And after a bit of jogging I noticed a HUGE dog behind a little fence and I could feel myself tense up. Being mid conversation with GOD, I reminded myself that He does keep me safe. That even if the big dog came after me, I would be fine because my Father told me He would keep me safe.

I used to be afraid of the ocean. Terrified. I had been caught up in a wavepool when I was younger and didn't have a vest or a raft and couldn't reach the top of the water. I had simply started to swim under the water. Much like I often am now, lost in my mind and unaware of my surrounds. And the machine that makes the waves came on. Before I knew it I was in 25 feet of water and there were people in rafts all around me. But I still wasn't scared, at that point, because much like walking today, I knew GOD had me. But then I heard my name being called and I immediately knew the voice, cuz it was my Daddy here on earth. Except in his voice was a tone I hasn't heard much and it was sheer panic. And once I saw the fear in his eyes (not something I have seen more that 3 or 4 times in my 32 years of life) did I realize I was in danger. And I could hear my dad yelling at the life guard who threw this red floating thing towards me, which did no good cuz every time I tried to grab it, I got pelted by water, and thrown under, putting me in even more of a panic. Finally I heard my daddy, who had wasted enough time, give the ultimatum to the lifeguard that if he didn't get me, my dad would. And of course knowing that it is sheer foolishness trying to debate with a daddy when it comes to his little girl, the lifeguard dove in a pulled me to safety.

I heard that later that summer a little girl had drowned in the same wavepool and the safety regulations were ammended. Which put a fear in my heart of water that lasted many, many years.

But when I was just lost in my own world with GOD, probablly telling Him some story like I usually am, I had no idea I was in danger. And I totally know that had I not seen my fathers fear in his eyes, I would have happily made my way back to the shore. Of course I don't fault my dad at all for being afraid. I can't even begin to imagine what his heart was going through. But my life is still like that. More often than not, I find myself in a crowd or at work, or even sometimes with friends, and I get lost telling my Daddy a story, that He undoubtly knows the end to but loves to hear my take on it. And as long as I am lost in Him, I am totally unaware of any dfanger, and it's ok cuz He has me.

Like the walk today. I was talking to Him, or as david put it, encouraging myself in the Lord, and I was unaware of the big dog and the little fence. But when I stopped talking to my heavenly Daddy, and turned toward the dog, fear tried to grip me. I even took out one of my headphones so I could hear if the dog was gonna attack. . . how foolish cuz I had no keys, no pepper spray, not even a stick. But then I was reminded that He told me He has me. He had me the day the people broke into my house and I was about to enter. He had me the time I had no doors on Magee and a woman in a minivan came right toward my exposed. (She was unaware of anything else, maybe she too was lost in conversation to Him. )He had me when I was curled up on my cold purgo floor in Romania with no heat and about -110 degrees outside, crying because I had no idea why He had sent me there and not knowing a lonely like that existed. He had me when I was getting ready in my mother's bathroom when I was compelled to walk out only to have the mirror fall off the wall anf smash and slice tthrough the floorboards right where I had been standing. He had me when I was in Bible school and my heart got broken and I was stuck on a tiny little island and although GOD could have warned me He didn't- but He had me through my rash decisions.

He had me when I got to come home from 4 years of a constant barrage of attacks on my faith and self confidence. He had me when He brought me to watch the most precious little boy while He was healing me to a place when He could use me again. He had me when He brought me a job at the place I call home. And he had me when I saw the big dog with the little fence.

And my whole life I have known that He has me. I mean I have really known, but it was in these instances that I had a chance to walk out my faith. Like the dormant muscle in my calf, my faith has been there since the day I gave my life to JESUS. But like that muscle, until I walk out that faith and put myself in a place of vulnerability, or rather, allow my Daddy to put me in a place of vulnerability where I have no idea what He is doing, but have to just trust that He has me, my faith will never grow.

Let my internal dialogue give Him praise

A few weeks ago I felt GOD leading me to a new prayer. . .

Let my internal dialogue give You praise.

If you have ever studied the number of words that we speak to ourselves each day, it is mind boggling. And one of the things that GOD has really brought to my attention the past few years, is how negative my internal dialogue is. I think most of us, when we really start to get to know JESUS better, must take a hard look at what we are telling ourselves each day. And He has really brought me far. Now when I am driving and someone cuts me off, although my initial reaction often is to get mad, I catch myself and ask GOD to reveal Himself to that person more today than ever before. And my road rage is slowly becoming less of an issue.

This is just one area GOD showed me that my internal dialogue needed to line up with what The Word teaches. But then He took it up one step to. . .

Let my internal dialogue give You praise.

Which means that all my thoughts, whether spoken or not, will be for His glory. I'm so not there yet, but when I think of this, I am reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:17 that tells us to continually pray. When I was a kid, and didn't really understand much about what it means to live the life that JESUS intended for me, I would read this verse and get totally overwhelmed. But as I get to know Him better, I find myself just chit-chatting with Him more and more.

And the more my internal dialogue is aimed at Him and the more aware I become of Him always being near me, then. . .

My internal dialogue gives Him praise.

Is it well??

I got to spend part of the Christmas holiday with my grandparents. One of the conversations my grandmother and I always have is the difference between ministry now and ministry back when her and my grandpa were pastors. My grandma is amazing and she genuinely wants to understand those younger than her and how GOD is moving.

So each visit she and I will talk about music. We talk about different styles, cultural relevance of worship music today and the importance of not forgetting our heritage. All that to say, because of my grandmother, GOD has developed in me a love and respect for the old hymns.

And today when I heard the song It Is Well I was again taken by the words and challenge of this song.

It is well. . .

With my soul. . .

Is it? Is it really? What a profound and important question that we must continually ask ourselves. While once we know CHRIST and accept Him as our Savior, we have a wellness about our soul that cannot be described, that is not the end of it. We must continually work out our salvation like Paul talks about in Philippians.

I have found in my life a huge part of this, or way rather of working out my salvation is to ask the question "is it well with my soul?' Daily we have stuff that is thrown at us, whether it is from the enemy or simply just from living in a fallen world, we have to continually make sure that it is well with our soul.

I know for me insomnia is a big indicator whether or not I need to take my broken soul to the foot of the cross and allow GOD to mend the it once again. This happened a couple weeks ago. A situation came up, and I had determined in my heart to take care of it myself. I wasn’t going to trust GOD, I was gonna take the bull by the horn and handle. I even had some close friends agree that it was the right course of action. But deep in my heart, I knew for me, that to act instead of trust, was pure rebellion.

But I was still determined to do it. Then after a day or two, it became apparent that it wasn’t well with my soul. And I had to ask for forgiveness and for the broken places where my rebellion had caused a rift to be healed.

But the problem is too often we can get so caught up in the day to day, or we allow our hearts to be hardened, that we forget to ask if it’s well or not.

So today, I think what GOD wants to speak to you if you’re reading this, is to just simply ask yourself. . . Is it well? And if not then take the steps necessary to get it well with your soul. And if it is well, then take a moment and thank GOD for His grace and the ability to enter His throne room and sit at his feet.

Being Totally Wrecked. . .

This morning was very interesting. I was simply getting ready for work and listening to a teaching of a series I thought I had heard before. But as the teacher was closing the 6 part series, I found myself sitting on my couch with tears streaming down my face in a state of being just totally wrecked by GOD. I mean there I was in my living room completely overtaken by the presence of GOD and crying off the make-up I had just put on.

The story that was being shared this morning was one of a time when the teacher was completely wrecked by GOD. If you’ve never been wrecked by GOD, then I pray that today, even at this moment GOD will begin to wreck you. If you have ever been wrecked by Him, then you know what I mean. I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s kinda like in geometry class when you studied fractals. Learning the basics of them don’t seem very interesting, but then the teacher breaks out an M. C. Escher painting and you see the intricacies that can be easily explained through mathematical equations, but appear as nothing short of magical when they are staring you in your face.
Or it’s like trying to explain seeing Phantom Of The Opera for the first time. You can listen to the soundtrack or even see the movie, but nothing can prepare you for the first time you see the chandelier drop or the water appear under the boat. There are no words which can truly describe it. The same with falling in love, or having a broken heart.

There simply are no words.

This can also be said about being wrecked by GOD. When I say this I mean there are times when GOD totally consumes you with his presence and it is as if all the air is sucked out of the room and you are overwhelmed with the awesomeness of GOD. This has happened to me in many different places. It has happened to me in church services, on mission trips, and at conferences. And honestly this is what we expect, right?

But then there have been times when I am holding a screaming child that just doesn’t want to go to sleep. But I know that he is exhausted and sleep is the one thing he needs, and if he would just listen to me . . . I know what’s best for him if he would only just trust me. And in my frustration I find myself crying out to GOD hoping He will quiet the child with His reassurance. But instead I simply hear the Father saying, “Now you know how I feel.” And I am reminded of a coupe days ago when being obedient to Him meant doing something I didn’t want to. All He was simply doing is trying to get what’s best for me. . . just like I was with the infant in my arms. And I find myself wrecked because I am face to face with the love of a Savior who forgives and is so patient and faithful when I am fighting every step of the way.

Then there have been the times I am driving and I have seen a homeless man walking down the street, and I pray for him and the presence of GOD filled the cab of the truck so strongly I almost have to pull over. And I am wrecked because He is an amazing GOD.

Or one of the students I love so much who has been running full force away from GOD turns and asks for forgiveness, and I have the honor of being there as they turn and run into the arms of the Father. And I am wrecked at His patience.

The phophet Isaiah describes being wrecked like this. . . "Doom! It's Doomsday! I'm as good as dead! Every word I've ever spoken is tainted - blasphemous even! And the people I live with talk the same way, using words that corrupt and desecrate. And here I've looked God in the face! The King! God-of-the-Angel-Armies!" (Isaiah 6:5 MSG)

There are those times in our lives where we understand who GOD is and who we’re not.

And everything else fades away.

And you are simply wrecked and in a posture of complete humility because in His presence there is no other position.

Is trust a feeling or a choice?

When we think of words like trust, love, and forgiveness, I think for most of us, we associate these words with emotions, and while yes, I think that emotions play a part in the entire definition, there is so much more involved in loving, in forgiving and in trusting someone. I think that to fully embrace these things, we must choose to. A big part of that is getting past the emotions that try to tear us down.

Take trusting for example. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I started thinking about having to move in a couple months so I need to get a contract on a new place and all that stuff, which totally is not fun for me. I am not a fan of money and wish I lived in a barter system. But I don’t, and I can’t bury my head either, so I must confront it. Which after getting figures for some places, made me nauseous.

So I found myself anxious and not feeling like I trust GOD. Now I know that ultimately I do. I have banked my life on His Word and am going to follow Him where He leads me, which for now is Georgia. But I don’t always feel like I am trusting Him. In fact yesterday, I had to work through some serious feelings of doubt because I so love where I am now, that I can’t imagine having to live somewhere else. Then I start scamming and scheming in my head all these scenarios to make things work using my own strength and ability, instead of just giving it to Him and choosing to trust Him. The fear that comes from uncertainty so often tries to drown out the choice of trust that I made long ago. It is calling out to me, “Trust Him. Trust the one who loves you. Trust the one who made you. . . ”

I think Mary understood this all too well. Can you imagine how her heart must have felt? I mean of course she was honored and I am sure proud that GOD trusted her so much, but what about the pit that would have been in her stomach knowing she had to tell Joseph or her parents. Even though she wasn’t sure what to do with the news from the angel at first (Luke 1:29), she chooses to trust GOD. Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.

Wow, what a hard choice that must have been. To push past the feelings and the knowledge that she will be branded with a scarlet letter by her people when she is innocent. Not only is she innocent, she is chosen. GOD chose a plan for Mary that would give Him the most glory, but would take her down a path that was hard and intense. A road that most would never be able to stay on for a day, let alone a lifetime. That's what the picture up top is trying to represent. Notice at the bottom it is easy to see the road. It is easy to trust that you will be able to find your way. But the further down the road you go, the harder it is. The harder to see the road. The harder to breathe, and the lonelier it gets.

In order to live a life that is fully devoted to GOD and a life that chooses to trust GOD, we must push past the desire to base choices simply on feelings. And that includes trust. We must choose to trust and hold onto that choice when the feelings try and pull us away.

Call A Spade A Spade

So if you've ever had an extended conversation with me, you’ve heard this saying. Especially if you’ve ever come to me for advice or heard me teach. “Call a spade a spade” is one of my favorite phrases because it evokes such honesty. Don’t try to pretend something is different than what it really is. Just admit what the real situation is without making excuses. Call a spade a spade.

And this revelation, how important it is to try and see things how they are, removing the rose colored glasses, has probably helped me grow and mature more than anything else. When I was younger, I would make excuses, I would lie to get myself out of situations. I would do this with my family, with my teachers, and even with GOD.

This tendency goes back to the fall (Genesis 3). After Adam and Eve disobeyed GOD, they hid from Him. Reading this breaks my heart how GOD calls out for them. They would always go for a walk in the evening, and after they ate the fruit, they were ashamed so they hid. Of course GOD knew where they were. He had to sit and watch them as they chose to disobey Him and reject His love for them.

Then Adam makes excuse. He said that “the woman you gave me. . .” He didn’t call a spade. He didn’t own up and say I’m sorry GOD, I didn’t listen to you.

And I think this tendency is one of if not the most crippling things in a Christian’s life. Because when we mask, or excuse, or hide our sin, we simply delay the repentance process. But CHRIST came so that we could enjoy life to the fullest (John 10). And in order to this, we must walk in the freedom that comes only from forgiveness. But when we don’t admit that we’ve sinned and try to cover it with something other than the blood of CHRIST, we delay the repentance process.

So in our sin, there is a HUGE need for us to call a spade a spade.

doing away the mundane. . .

Last night at Crave we watched a teaching by Francis Chan. Afterwards we had a time of worship, prayer, and just hanging out with GOD. The song that GOD kept leading us to sing is based on Isaiah 6 In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. . . In a great chorus they sang, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty! The whole earth is filled with his glory!" The glorious singing shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke. Then I said, "My destruction is sealed, for I am a sinful man and a member of a sinful race. Yet I have seen the King, the LORD Almighty!. . . "

It is such a powerful picture and I know we have looked at in the past few weeks. It still amazes me and my heart cries out to live in that place where I am so aware of GOD’s majesty that I know I don’t deserve anything that I so often think I have a right to. When I stand in His presence, my puny offerings are never enough, but by the grace and the sacrifice given at the cross I can be in His presence. To live there. . . in His presence. What does that look like?

It brings me back to 1 Thessalonians 5:17 pray continually. When I was a kid, that just baffled me. It seemed so boring. I thought that had to go around kneeling then stopping and folding my hands, then going about my business, and stopping and kneeling. . . you get the picture. It just seemed more like punishment that an honor. I still don’t get it fully, but there are a few things I know.

Prayer is friendship with GOD. It is a 2 way conversation. We share with Him, and he shares with us. So often we get caught up in making sure we let Him know all the details, and like Francis Chan said in the teaching last night “ too often we look more like the prophets of Baal." The prophets of Baal would repeat the same thing over and over again, and even cut themselves (they would inflict pain on themselves to get the attention of their god). How often do we inflict guilt on ourselves or punish ourselves for not being good enough or in order to get Him to hear us.

Not to say we shouldn’t tell GOD what is heavy on our hearts or what we need, He is interested. I mean if He’s gonna take the time to know how many hairs are on my head, and looking at my hairbrush that number changes with every pass of it through my hair. GOD cares about what is going on in my heart and head and what troubles me.

But to be in a place where I am so fully aware that He knows what I’m gonna say before I say it (Psalm 139), to say, “You know Daddy. . . I just. . . And then. . .thank you!!” (Louie Gigglio did an amazing teaching on prayer a few years back called “Prayer Remix” or something like that. When I heard this teaching, GOD totally blew my mind away with how deep prayer and conversations with Him could be.) I mean if I truly am at the point where I realize that He knows my thoughts, then that knowledge takes away all anxieties. I know I don’t have to fret because He IS in control. I can talk to Him out of love, not solely because I am in need or want something. I don’t have to continually try and tweak my prayer to find the “right formula’.

I’m sure many of you have struggled with this. We pray and GOD doesn’t move like we expect, and we think that "if we just. . ." or "if we didn’t. . ." or "if I get louder, or prayer more often. . ."

Opposed to knowing that He is our Father, and resting in the fact He will lead us how to pray (Romans 8).

So in this journey to better understanding prayer, He has taught me that Prayer is a relationship and communication with Him. Prayer is also deeper than we could ever imagine. Think of Elijah in 1 Kings 18. This is when he goes head to head with the prophets of Baal. Then spend all day trying to get their god’s attention, but nothing. Then Elijah simply says "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. O LORD, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself." And fire came down.

That is beyond our understanding. So deep, so powerful. It’s not about me and my ability to say or do the right thing, but more it is about me humbling myself and submitting to His glory and power. James 5 says that we are not different that Elijah. He was a man just like us. If he could grasp this understanding of the power of prayer and prayed sincere prayers, then we can too. In fact, Elijah did all this before JESUS.

So all this to say. . .

What is prayer?

How do you pray?

What does it mean to pray continually?

Do you sometimes not go to prayer because you feel unworthy?

Why do we pray?